Managing Results Day... from the perspective of a parent

You've spent hours reading up on the curriculum, purchasing study guides, training yourself to answer exam papers ("3 mark question... make 3 points") and had countless sleepless nights worrying about what the outcome will be... And you're just the parent!

Exam season can, and does, take over the whole household. Whilst your young person is wrapped up in a revision hovel and exam nerves, you're dragged right back to your own school days, living the process with them.

So when Results Day comes around, you're probably feeling a mix of anxiety, relief, excitement and exhaustion! With all those feelings floating about, it can be difficult knowing what to say and do when the final grades are revealed.

Listen to Dr Amy Such chat with presenter Jenny Mullin on BBC Radio Jersey (20th August 2026) or continue reading for more tips and advice.

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1) Avoid being dismissive or disapproving

If things haven't quite gone to plan, we naturally want to make it all better as parents. So it's an automatic response to tell your young person "don't worry", "it will be OK" and "it doesn't matter". We're trying to smooth everything over. But in your child's head, they're hearing that their feelings aren't important and possibly neither is their future.

Equally, you might be experiencing your own feelings of frustration or disappointment on Results Day. For all the hard work you've put in, you might be thinking that your child's results perfectly replicate the effort they exerted (i.e. zero!) Again, that automatic response of "you should have revised more" or "you could have done way better" might try to escape. Whether your child shows disappointment or seems unbothered by the whole thing, they are likely to be having similar thoughts internally, and you airing these isn't going to support them in that moment.

2) Acknowledge and validate feelings

Instead, Results Day should be a day where you 'surf the emotional wave'. This means recognising the feelings your child is displaying and sitting with these feelings with them. If they're happy, you acknowledge and validate this. If they're disappointed, rather than trying to fix it, you're going to sit with those feelings of disappointment with them. If they're worried about the future, these are feelings we can explore too. Remember, all feelings are OK and all feelings are accepted as being real for your young person, whether you feel the same way as them or not.

Of course, you're going to have some big feelings too. Afterall, you're the one running off no sleep, with a hole in your pocket from all the revision books and highlighters they insisted you buy them! But, as with much of parenting, Results Day isn't about you. So, if necessary, take a physical step back and a deep breath - an emotional reset - then prioritise their feelings through phrases like "I can see you're feeling a bit disappointed", "I'm sorry you're worried about what this might mean" and "Results Day can be really upsetting when we don't get the grades we were anticipating".

Alongside acknowledging and validating feelings, you also need to offer reassurance; remind your child that your love for them is not dependent on certain grades or admission to a specific educational institute. If you're child is upset, disappointed or anxious, you might say "I'm so proud of all the work you've put it", "these results are just a small part of what makes you you" and "we can work through this together".

3) Problem-solve... later!

For some young people, they will surf the emotional wave and move on; once the hysteria of Results Day has died down, the local news camera crews have gone home and B list celebrities have stopped plastering social media with everything they've achieved despite only passing one O level exam.

For others, the disappointment or anxiety will remain. It will exist as a real and genuine problem. And this is where you can come in as a supporter.

Firstly, this is unlikely to be the course of action we take on Results Day. Problem-solving comes later, once the emotions are somewhat under control and our thinking brain has switched back on.

And even then, as the parent, you're not going to jump in and fix the situation. Here, you're the coach, not the director. Often, when exam results don't go the way we anticipated, we feel out of control. To help resolve these feelings, to boost self-esteem and self-confidence, we need to place control back in the hands of our young people. Let your child take the lead, but be there to offer suggestions and practical help where necessary. Simply asking "what can I do to help?" can be enough to let your child know that you're there for them, but that you have faith in them to make the best choices for them.

And what if it all goes wrong? Then what?

Sometimes things don't play out the way we'd hoped or imagined. When it comes to exams, there are always options:

• Remark - if your child was close to a grade boundary, it might be that the school suggest you request the paper is remarked to see if an extra mark or two can be found.

• Resit - this provides a second chance to get the grades needed.

• Revisit - based on what your child's achieved, what options are now available to them? Is there an alternative Post 16 pathway that would meet their needs better?

Whatever you're thinking, always speak with your child's current school and the educational setting they were hoping to transition to next before rushing into a decision.

For further tips and advice, please visit BBC Bitesize.